Category: Stress

Ain’t No Use in Worrying

Good morning, fellow affirmer!

The late great Wayne Dyer once did a brief monologue on one of his old cassette series’s that always stuck with me.

He said there are only two types of things you can possibly worry about – things you can control and things you can’t control.

Then he asked two sagely statements.

“There ain’t no use in worrying about things you can control. If you can control them, why worry about them?”

You’re capable. You’re responsible. You’ll handle them. Worry adds nothing useful to the equation.

Then he said, “There ain’t no use in worrying about things you can’t control. If you can’t control them, why worry about them?”

Our little egos must learn to accept that there are certain things beyond our control. We can’t control what other people think of us, whether the sun will come up tomorrow, or how many days our current form will remain here. Yet, we spend time worrying and stressing over such things. They steal our energy and our positive momentum and we can’t change them no matter how much we worry.

Then Dyer concluded by saying, “That’s everything it’s possible to worry about. So, there ain’t no use in worrying “

He makes a powerful point. Whether we can control something or not, both are reasons not to worry.

I would add that that we have a wisdom within us and there’s a wisdom present in the universe that are both working to get you and I where and when we need to be. Trust that wisdom and, as much as possible, cut worry out of your mental diet. It’s mental junk food of the worst kind.

Wherever you are on your journey today, just commit to taking one more step.

Keep your mind on your side, my friends.

Ray

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Time-Crunched Self-Talk – Day 238 of 365 Days to a Better You

“I’m going to be late. Damn it! I’m always late. There’s just not enough time. I wish I had more time! I just have so much to do.”

This may be an extreme example (minus the explicative), but do you find yourself engaged in time-crunched self-talk? I know I do. I know I get hurried, rushed, and convinced I don’t have enough time to “get it all done.”

Consider slowing down to speed up.

We can all agree that time is valuable and that our human existence is finite. However, our relationship to time, in the modern world, is one of slave and master. It’s destructive and it’s unhealthy. And you thought it was just your charming Type-A personality.

We use words like deadline, due date, drop dead date. We attach adjectives like looming. Our subservience to our time commitments, even at the expense of our well-being, is astonishing.

I have questions for you. Is anyone actually going to die, if your report is a day late? Will your company go out of business? Will it’s stock crash? Ok, yes, there is that .01 percent of the time where that is true. The other 99.99 percent of the time it’s not even close to true. Yet, we break ourselves as if it were.

One of the first questions I always ask when I take on a project, “Is your date a real date…a real business or moral imperative or is it a date someone made up out of thin air?”

Guess what? Most deadlines and due dates really aren’t.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a person of your word. I am saying take a breath. I am saying most of the time emergencies in our lives…the ones we self-talk to ourselves at the stoplight you just missed…are total fiction.

Why stress so much? The only person that’s dying when you do, is you.

Power hack: Here are some simple tips you can apply when you feel the time crunch stress and the self-talk starts flowing.

  1. Thought stopping is a fantastic technique to use with any kind of negative self-talk.
  2. Tick-marking is a technique I created many years ago. You literally have have a sheet of paper and a pen. Every time you think a time crunching thought, make a tick mark on the sheet. It’s a great way to notice how often it’s happening and bring more awareness.
  3. Ask for more time. As I mentioned above, few deadlines really are. You’ll be surprised how often the answer will be yes, if you ask.
  4. There’s actually plenty of time. If you stop rushing through life worried there’s not enough time, you’ll find there’s plenty of time. Fill your day up with life not worrying about time.
  5. Make time serve you. Don’t be a slave to time. Make it your tool.
  6. There’s no moral imperative for you to risk your health for imaginary dates.
  7. Lose the time aphorisms. We have a million time aphorisms in our culture telling us why hurry, hurry, hurry is the only way to be. It’s not. That’s just a paradigm.
  8. Regroup. Take a breath. Take a break. Take a walk.

Our time is finite, but we expand it by not stressing over it so much. slow down.

Thanks for stopping by. Have a great Saturday!

Ray

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Dealing with One of Those Days – Day 81 of 365 Days to a Better You

What do you do when it’s just one of those days?

We all know it! “Life,” as the saying goes, “is not always a bed of roses.” Some days, despite your best intentions and efforts, go off the rails early and often. That’s just part of the human condition.

Today was one of those days for me. I had a plan this morning and by midday it felt like I’d not had the time I needed to get to my agenda. I felt frustrated. I’m sure you can relate.

Who we are when that happens – when life squeezes us – says a lot about us. Wayne Dyer talked about our reactions under pressure in one of his famous PBS fund-raising talks.

Wayne makes such an important point here. We can feel all evolved and educated and zen and then life happens. Someone says something to you on social media that sets you off. The news is all negative. Your plan for the day has gone down in flames.

What comes out of you? Well, I didn’t like what was welling up in me. That “poor me” voice was taking over.

I closed the door to my office for a few minutes. I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths, and did a little self-talk. I reminded myself, “Ray, you know you have some karma to wear off. Today is as good a day as any. Even if today doesn’t go as planned, your big picture is still on track. These days happen to everyone and you’re not exempt. Keep doing what you’re doing and good things will happen.”

I opened my door and continued with my day and this afternoon has gone much better. I accomplished a couple of key things on the day job, I took a nice stroll in with my black lab in a gentle rain, and now I’m sitting here writing to you. Life is good!

You and I are going to have days like this as long as we draw breath here on this tiny planet. Keep in mind we have amazing days that more than balance them out. Keep being you. Keep smelling the flowers even when you just stepped in….well…you know. Most of all, keep on dancing, even if it rains!

Have a GREAT evening!

Ray

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Releasing Stress on National Stress Day

Today’s Affirmation:

“I become aware of the little things that are stressing me out and develop strategies to deal with them effectively.”

Overworked business man.Today is National Stress Way – a perfect opportunity to discuss ways to destress.

We often attribute the stress in our daily lives to what is happening on the outside. “My schedule is so busy” or “Work is a bear right now” are common reasons we give others and ourselves to explain the stress we feel.

No doubt, these things contribute to our stress. However, some of the extra “weight” we carry around is mental. It’s all the little unresolved problems and distractions flittering, as they do, at the edges of our awareness that create stress in our lives disproportionate to their actual importance.

Collectively, these little stressors create murky, undefined sense of dis-ease that can permeate our days and lessen our enjoyment of life.

Awareness

How do we deal with these minor hindrances? Well, the first we have to do is to become aware of them. Can we identify them and name them? It’s almost impossible to address them unless we know what they are.

One effective way for surfacing these issues is to spend a little quiet time alone at some point in the day. Just allow your thoughts to flow freely without evaluation and take note of the concerns, worries, or issues that arise.

These small issues are like children clamoring for attention. They will usually make themselves known when you listen.

Action

Once you identify an issue, you can:

  • Estimate its importance.
  • Take steps to resolve it.
  • Recognize its relative insignificance and let it go.

Perspective 

These pesky stressors are the puff fish in our lives. You may be familiar with this kind of fish. It has the ability to blow itself up to appear much larger than its actual size to intimidate would-be predators.

Especially when we have an emotional investment, these little issues can cast a longer shadow in our lives than is warranted by their actual importance.

The key to breaking their hold is perspective. Here are three strategies for getting that perspective.

  1. Deja-Vu – we have probably faced situations similar to the one we are stressing about now and it probably came out OK. Most of the things we stress ourselves about never happen or are not as bad as we imagined them to be. Think of two or three examples of times when similar things worked out fine and your worrying did not alter the outcome. Then let go.
  2. The 30-Day Test – ask yourself whether this issue will still have the significance you are giving it now in 30 days? In six months? A year? If not, it probably is not really as important as it seems right now. Do what you can about it and then let it go.
  3. The Quasar Comparison – this is the “big scheme of things” approach to releasing the issue. Our problems, as big as they seem to us sometimes, are mostly insignificant in the big picture. Quasars are very powerful and distant objects at the edge of the visible universe. They are billions of light years away and a reminder of our universe’s sheer scale. A picture of a quasar can easily be found online. I keep one nearby to remind me how small my problems really are compared to the vastness of space and time. When realize this may not be as life and death as we are making it out to be we can let it go.

In closing, I am certainly not advocating avoidance of real problems in our lives. What I am saying is that our quality of life can improve when we find ways to jettison those annoying little stressors that hold us back.

I’d love to hear from some of you about strategies you use to reduce stress.  Leave a comment.

Have a peaceful and prosperous day!

Ray

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