Tony Robbins, Self-Help, and Victimhood – Day 144 of 365 Days to a Better You

Emotion unlocks the secret chambers of the mind and is sometimes necessary for healing.

We live in a world filled with miracles and savageries. Not one of us, regardless of our gender, race, or social standing, is immune. When you’ve experienced a savage event of any kind or any degree, the natural first reaction is to feel victimized by the event. It’s inherently unfair that someone else’s words or actions have caused you physical or psychological harm.

Here’s the thing. Victimhood is a normal and natural beginning of the healing process. There’s a legitimate push for legal or other repercussions for the person that harmed you. That’s all healthy and legitimate.

There comes a point, however, when remaining in the status of victim becomes detrimental both to the healing and to moving forward with your life. It can become your identity and that doesn’t serve a healthy and prosperous life. Despite that fact, people cling voraciously to their victimhood.

Eventually, a victim feels the side effects of this approach and they seek some kind of help or relief. There are many efficacious ways to get that help. Professional counseling, medicines, and, yes, personal development or self-help techniques.

Before I begin, let me clear. I am not personally defending Tony Robbins for anything inappropriate he may have done. That seems to be having its day in the court of public opinion and perhaps eventually in courts. Hopefully, justice will be done for Tony and his accusers.

People with big emotional scars have been attending Tony Robbins events for decades. For better or worse, his techniques have been practiced on millions of people. In a sample size that large, there are going to be some who find those techniques exactly what they needed to free themselves from their disempowering victimhood. The evidence by way of personal testimony is that’s the case.

Conversely, there are going to be some people for whom his direct, loud, and aggressive techniques don’t mesh with their personal psychology and it may cause further distress. Mixed outcomes are to be expected with any modality. I’ve been involved in personal development for 30 years. I’ve also used counseling other modalities as a part of my journey. Every technique I’ve ever been exposed to has it plusses and minuses.

There is simply no denying Tony Robbins has helped many people over the years. How do we know? There’s no shortage of people who have given him credit for helping them break their victimhood and other destructive patterns. While his techniques may offend or feel like abuse of the victim to some, to others they have been precisely their salvation.

Beyond Tony Robbins, self-help, personal development has helped me and millions of other people aspire to and achieve a better life. It really angers me that the media and others use this instance as an excuse to attack the whole field as charlatanism and snake oil.

Credentialism has become quite a thing in our culture. You see this in many areas of thought. Everyone should just leave the thinking to the “experts.” That makes for a culture of dependence. I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t listen to the experts, but we are all ultimately responsible for ourselves.

“Self-help Gurus” are attacked because they lack credentials. Having taken all the psychology, psychiatry, and counseling courses does not grant one an automatic corner on human wisdom that might help others. I would argue that personal experience combined with reflection can provide as much benefit as book learning.

Persuading people to walk over hot coals may seem cultish to an outsider. Getting in someone’s face and calling out the BS may seem rude and unprofessional. Our culture of atoms and matter still has a bias against the power of the human mind to heal. That said, if some of the allegations are true, Robbins may have gone too far in some instances.

The question again is, have these techniques worked? The answer for many is yes. Rather than attacking Robbins and others for their approach, perhaps they should just come with a warning label.

If you’d rather spend 15 years on a counselor’s couch talking through your issues, that’s fine. A Tony Robbins event is probably not for you. If, however, you’ve been there and done that and you’re ready to try something more radical and cathartic to change your situation, then it might be perfect for you.

My point is there is no one right way help someone mentally and spiritually heal. One person might like hard rock and someone else might like classical music. Who’s right? They’re both right for the right person. The same goes for healing modalities.

Power Hack: I’m not going to let you off the hook on the victimhood thing. Someone telling to it you straight is not necessarily more dangerous than your chronic victimhood. We are all victims to one extent or another and for one reason or another. It’s part of the human condition. I could make you a long list of ways I’ve felt victimized over time, but I’m just not going to let them decide me.

In the meantime as I said in another recent post, you can become stuck in the victimhood and waste time here waiting for life to be more fair and our society to be more just or you can do the only thing any of us can do. You decide that you won’t be anyone’s victim, including your own, any more.

That’s empowerment and however you get there; it’s cool with me!

Wishing my American readers a wonderful Memorial Day and thanking you all for your support in reading, liking, and sharing this blog.

Ray

 

 

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Stop Not Doing What You’re Not Doing – Day 143 of 365 Days to a Better You

The opposite of one profound truth may well be another profound truth.

~Neils Bohr

There’s a popular saying that goes, “If you keep on doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep on getting what you’re getting. In math, there’s something called the Inverse of an Operation – it’s opposite. In multiplication 3 and 1/3 are inverse numbers. In addition, 5 and -5 are inverse numbers.

What’s the inverse of our little quip above? If you keep on not doing what you’re not doing, you’ll keep on not getting what you’re not getting.

If you’re not writing your blog, you’ll keep on not having the successful blog you seek. If you keep on not taking jobs in line with your goals, you’ll keep on not reaching your goals. If you keep on not letting love into your life, you’ll keep on not having love in your life.

Today is simply a reminder. You need to take proactive action toward achieving those things you want to achieve. If you keep putting them off and deprioritizing them, you’ll get six weeks, six months, six years down the road and you’ll be right where you are now wondering why nothing has changed.

Your mission today, if you have something you want to do but have been putting off, take the first step. Get yourself into motion on it. You don’t have to “eat the whole elephant” in one sitting. Just do one thing today that gets you on the road. Then do one more thing tomorrow.

Before you know it, you’ll be looking back on milestone after milestone toward your goal.

No matter what anyone else tells you today, you are AMAZING. Don’t ever forget it!

Thanks for reading the blog. Please like, share, and subscribe.

Ray

 

10 Things I Know for Sure About You – Day 142 of 365 Days to a Better You

Good morning, my friends. Today I’ll be quick and clear. Here are 10 things I absolutely, 100 percent know about you.

  1. You’ve barely scratched the surface of your potential.
  2. You’re more than the stats say you are.
  3. You can handle a few more nos on your way to your BIG yes.
  4. You are resilient as hell. You’re like a superball in your ability to bounce back.
  5. Big things are coming your way.
  6. Your passion and your talent will guide you to your promised land.
  7. Other people are already noticing you’re a force to be reckoned with.
  8. Making your dent in this universe is inevitable.
  9. You’re doubting some of these. Stop it! Your doubt is the only thing standing in your way.
  10. Your day in the sun has arrived.

Make the most of you! I believe in you. Meet me halfway and believe in you too!

Ray

Wing and a Prayer – Day 141 of 365 Days to a Better You

When opportunity knocks, say yes.

Sometimes you achieve amazing things you never set out to achieve. Good things can come from surprising places.

May 21, 1932 Amelia Earhart became the second person and the first woman to fly a plane solo across the Atlantic Ocean. Though she planned to land in Paris on the five year anniversary of Charles Lindbergh’s historic achievement, mechanical issues and 15 hours of storms over the North Atlantic forced her down in Londonberry, Northern Ireland.

Her landing in a farm field was later described as scattering cows. She was greeted by a worker on the farm named Dan McCallion. McCallion asked, “Have you flown far?” Earhart replied, “From America.”

Earhart’s achievement was not one she sought. After Lindbergh crossed the Atlantic in 1927, a wealthy steel heiress named Amy Phipps Guest was determined to prove that a woman could equal the feat. Phipps was not a pilot, but wanted to be the first woman to fly across the Atlantic. She hired two pilots, but eventually abandoned the idea because her family frowned on the plan. Instead, she began interviewing women with flying experience to take her place. She interviewed a young Kansas social worker living in Boston and chose Amelia Earhart to make the trip. Though Earhart was technically in command of the mission, the two male pilots completed the flight in 1928.

Earhart was dubbed “Lady Lindy” by the media, but she reminded them she had not piloted the plane, saying, “Maybe someday, I’ll try it alone.”

Her celebrity from 1928 flight earned her a job as editor at Cosmopolitan Magazine, a platform she used to promote the growing field of aviation. She also trained extensively as a pilot in preparation for her eventual attempt to cross the Atlantic. She became the first woman to fly across the North American continent and back.

In the four years between 1928 and 1932, many men and a few women attempted to match Lindbergh. All failed. Ruth Nichols was poised to make another attempt and this pushed Earhart to accelerate her plans. The rest, as they say, is history.

Power Hack: Sometimes life presents us with unplanned opportunities. Despite her flying experience, Earhart was in Boston working and trying to get an education. A transoceanic flight was not on her radar. Circumstances, preparation, and good fortune came together to make history.

The big lesson for us is when opportunity knocks, be at home, answer the door, and say, “Yes.” If the challenge seems too great, imagine hanging above the stormy North Atlantic, kept aloft by a single propeller, two wings, and a prayer.

Stay inspired, my friends, and thanks for taking a few minutes from your valuable day to read the blog.

Ray

 

 

The Fairness Trap – Day 140 of 365 Days to a Better You

If you spend your life waiting on the train to fairness, you’ll miss your flight to greatness.

We all like for things to be fair. By all rights, things should be as fair as possible and we should never stop working for more fairness. The truth is we’re not there. We don’t live in a fair world. In fact, we don’t even have a good definition for what fairness is or how to get there.

It’s not fair that some people are born in places with excellent schools and others are born in places with horrible schools. It’s not fair that some people have easy access to clean drinking water and other people have to hike five miles each way just for dirty water. These are inequities that we could address if we really set our minds to it.

What about the inequities below the surface and those not even possible to correct? Is it fair that someone is born taller, faster, without disease? If it’s not, how could even begin to address this lack of fairness?

Here’s your problem. You may, if you’re lucky, have 100 years to live. You could spend that entire life focused on how life has not treated you fairly and your life will pass without you becoming the person you came here to be. You can get stuck in the fairness trap.

“It’s not fair,” is a paralyzing thought. It causes you to put the condition of fairness on your moving forward. Essentially, it puts a standard out of your control at the center of your potential. At it’s best, fairness is a minimum bar.

What if you looked the world slightly differently? What if you chose greatness instead of fairness as your goal? Fate and other people can control how fair things are, but only you can decide how great you’ll be.

When you focus on becoming great rather than things being fair, you’ve chosen movement over stagnation and self-determination over the power of outside forces.

As I said at the top, we must never stop striving for fairness. It would be ideal if everyone had to run the same number of laps to achieve greatness. For now, though, you have a choice. You can run the extra laps, if that’s your lot, or you can spend your life waiting on the train to fairness and miss your flight to greatness!

You can be the victim in someone else’s narrative or the hero in your own.

I love all of you and I hope your day is filled with peace and wisdom!

Ray

Crisis Mode – Day 139 of 365 Days to a Better You

It’s often been noted that human beings have an amazing ability to come together in a crisis. Our compassion is elevated. We remember how miraculous and fragile our existence is. We express gratitude for what we have and a willingness to share it with others. It’s an amazing thing to observe.

Here’s the question. Why does there have to be a crisis for us to elevate ourselves and each other to that level? If it’s within us in moments of crisis, it’s there all the time.

That said, if you require a crisis to bring those noble qualities out in you, I have a crisis for you. We have created a crisis of personal, national, and global proportions. We’ve forgotten, if we ever truly knew, how to be civil to each other. We’ve forgotten how to work together. We’ve forgotten how to love one another as we love ourselves.

Power Hack: Here’s the good news. When you really think about it, this problem isn’t hard to solve. We don’t have to agree on everything to shift this vibration. We only have to agree on a few easy to agree upon premises that we pledge live by. Try these on for size.

  1. Allow every human being the space to breathe in and breathe out freely.
  2. Make today better than yesterday.
  3. Allow every human being access to the benefits of the abundant society we have strived for centuries to achieve.
  4. Ensure tomorrow is better than today for our children and grandchildren.

That easy, you might question? Yes. These premises are the simple WHAT that any person of good will can agree upon. Together we can and we must work on the HOWs.

We simply need to begin thinking, acting, and interacting in ways that promote building something rather than burning it all down. Every one of us can and does have a platform to the world today, with the tools at our disposal, to change the vibe in the world.

How are you using yours? Are you building or burning down? Are you contributing to meeting the four common sense objectives above or are you busy trying to score points and win arguments?

We will measure the results in terms of peace rather than war, universal abundance rather the mass disparity, and every human being striving to become the highest version of himself or herself.

If we can’t come together in a compact to achieve these four objectives, then what difference will all the political points or winning arguments make?

The world you and I live in is our creation. We create and recreate it every day. Sure there are negative players. Sure there are disagreements on the HOWs. We don’t need everybody to come along to make it work. We only need a critical mass committed to birthing that world.

Don’t be surprised when I tell you that critical mass begins right here with you and I.

Stay the course! You are making a difference!

Ray

 

That ONE Thing About Yourself – Day 138 of 365 Days to a Better You

You know what it is. There’s that one thing about yourself that you could change, you want to change, but you just haven’t. You started a hundred times. You’ve promised yourself a hundred times more.

It’s not something that requires years of work or training on spiritual practice. It’s not something that requires you to change your finances or your location or the perfect time. It simply requires a different choice.

You know what it is for you. It might be something big or something small. I want you to ponder it today. You don’t have to take any immediate action. Just ponder how your life would be better, if you’d just adopt that one change. Think about what the steps are for you to change it. Close your eyes and see your life free of it.

If, at the end of day, you decide now is the moment to make that change. Start tomorrow…not that nebulous tomorrow that never comes. Tomorrow, Sunday May 19, 2019.

You are the engine of your dreams. They will never give up on you. Never give up on them!

Ray