Let the Past Be the Past – Day 6 of 365 Days to a Better You

Let the past be the past.
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Sounds simple, doesn’t it? We humans are experts at carrying our traumas and dramas with us through life. We can develop an odd, even fearsome loyalty to them.

Some people even come to define themselves almost exclusively in terms of their past negative experiences. The victimize themselves again and again because some harm brought to them by another or by circumstances long ago. They allow it eat them up like a toxic acid within. Let it go.

Maybe that’s not you. Maybe you’re storing a thousand little “paper cut” grievances that have coalesced into major baggage. Let it go.

Some, at the suggestion of letting go, will vehemently defend their need to hold on because they have for so long and life without those scars seems frightening.

Look, I’m not saying don’t work through a natural anger or grief process or even legal process, depending on the situation. There is a time and a place for that. I’m talking about the kinds of things you’ve been carrying with you for years or decades beyond any possible benefit to you. Let it go.

You’ll feel amazing, once you do. A burden will be lifted from your shoulders. The sun will be able to shine into your soul again. You can be the person you came to the planet to be rather than someone stuck back there somewhere.

Here are some practical tips for letting go.

  1. Let go and let God – this is a standard practice in 12-step programs and spiritual healing approaches. This meditation can help you. This classic collaboration meditation between John Bradshaw and Steven Halpern helps you connect to your higher power.
  2. Letting Go Strategies – this is an article I wrote back in 2009 with some very tangible ways to release something, if that’s what your situation calls for.
  3. Mentally release – for some, recovery  approaches or burning things is not necessary. You’re able to release the baggage once you become aware of it. It’s amazing how we can go through our lives accumulating this stuff, almost unconsciously.

Common Questions

  • How do you know you’ve let something go?
    • It’s not weighing you down any more. It’s not the defining event or thought process in your life any more. Forgiving others and even yourself is often a HUGE component of letting go. If you need professional help, get it.
  • How do I know what I need to let go of?
    • This may require some reflection, meditation, or prayer. If you’re more logical, it may require sitting down with a piece of paper and capturing what’s going on with you. You know what it is. You may just need to choose to see it.
    • Another rule of thumb, if you’re just cleaning house in your life, is if it serves me it stays, if it no longer does it goes.
  • What if I can’t do it myself?
    • I would tell you that you do have it within you to release and let go. However, if you want the support, get into a self-help or recovery group related to your issue, seek counseling, or confide in friends or family that provide a safe space for you to work through this.

I only know this. Without these weights around your neck, you will soar and become the amazing miracle you are here to be.

Stay inspired, my friends!

Ray

For more motivational content, please visit the TAS website or YouTube channel.

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The Peaceful Divorce Advocate – The Affirmation Spot for Saturday January 12, 2008

The Affirmation Spot - Intelligent Optimism for the Real World.


Today’s affirmation is:

“Even as my marriage splits, I am finding ways to keep my life and my family together.”

There is always a positive side to every experience we have in life. Even the most stressful situations can be made better when we make empowered choices. Divorce, unfortunately, is pandemic in our society. While no one wants to advocate divorce, it is an unfortunate fact of life.

The adversarial legal system makes a bad situation worse. It is not designed to help the parting couple in their future role as partners in raising their children. In fact, it is designed to create adversity and animosity not beneficial to that process.

The peaceful divorce movement has grown up as a response to that problem. It offers an alternative to the angst of the traditional system. It provides many broken families hope for a peaceful, productive future. 

Today The Affirmation Spot welcomes an article from guest contributor and peaceful divorce advocate, Belinda Rachman Esq.

The Last Thing You Need Is A Divorce Lawyer!

belinda.gifWhy You Should Consider A Cooperative Divorce

The divorce process is so complicated most people just don’t want to deal with it on their own. Traditionally the process of getting a divorce has involved hiring lawyers, going to court and letting a judge or the lawyers decide and/or negotiate the outcome. The couple plays the most passive role in the legal drama. Because the decisions are coming from above instead of the couple themselves fashioning a result, it is often difficult for the couple to comfortably live with the final outcome.

Most people resent solutions that are imposed on them. It is natural that individuals are more satisfied when they get to decide for themselves instead of being told what to do. When the couple is more actively involved in creating the terms of their own divorce instead of having to put up with the “one size fits all” solution that the legal process gives them, there is a better fit and more of a commitment to make it work.

So here is the most important question, does it make sense to avoid the adversarial system for your divorce? If keeping out of court and saving money on legal fees while protecting your assets and co-parenting relationship sounds good to you, then you really ought to explore mediation. I am not saying mediation is for everyone, but if the two of you are decent people who just want out, no one is trying to hurt the other one and both of you are honest and reliable about money with enough honor to keep your word, then you are the perfect client for mediation.

What A Mediator Does

The attorney who acts as mediator does not represent either party but acts as a neutral facilitator who is a resource for both. The couple can ask the attorney/mediator legal questions and receive help in arriving at all the terms of their divorce. The mediator drafts the marital settlement agreement, which is the document that is attached to the Judgment. The judge signs the agreement without the couple ever going to court and the divorce becomes final 6 months from the day the initial papers were filed and served. When the mediator has a powerful intention to complete the divorce process instead of dragging it out, the results are miraculous.

How Much Does Mediation Cost?

Mediator fees vary depending on location and expertise so call around to make sure you are fully informed. In my own practice the whole process, on average, takes between 4-7 hours but there is certain homework that must be done prior to working with me. It is important to know the mediator’s success rate and how many meetings it usually takes. Mediation is a tiny fraction of the cost of litigation. In California where the average cost of a divorce is $20,000 per side, mediation will always be less. The financial benefits of mediation are obvious but more importantly, you will be comfortable enough with your spouse to co-parent your children. This is the best gift you can give to your children. I ought to know, I was one of those kids caught in the middle. This is why I do what I do. Using mediation instead of litigation brings some sanity back into the divorce process because the adversarial system destroys families. So ask yourself, what kind of divorce do you want? Peaceful divorce is an idea whose time has come.

How To Choose A Mediator

So let’s assume you want to proceed with mediation. You want to make sure the mediator you use has a great track record. The most important thing you want to know is how many couples have they worked with and what percentage settled. Once you find that out you can compare price, length of time it takes and other factors like personality and sex of the mediator before you make up your mind. The important thing is to have all the information you need to make an informed decision. Remember you only get one chance to have a “good divorce” so don’t go down the wrong road because you won’t like the destination.

Is Mediation Right For You

Divorce mediation works best with honest people who are not hiding assets and just want a result that is fair. Most couples who are in the initial stages of thinking about getting a divorce would do well to meet with a divorce mediator as opposed to hiring their own attorneys. You only get one chance at getting a divorce without acrimony. Once you start to go down that adversarial road, it is that much harder to get back to a place where you can function comfortably as co-parents.

Ms. Rachman has been a family law attorney since 1996 and is convinced our adversarial legal system destroys families. She left a successful adversarial law practice and now only does divorce mediation. To find out more information on how mediation differs from litigation, go to http://www.divorce-inaday.com.

Thank you, Belinda for your commitment to helping people in a difficult situation.

Be peaceful Be prosperous!

Ray

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A Self-Confidence Manifesto – The Affirmation Spot for Thursday November 29, 2007

Welcome to The Affirmation Spot. If this is your first time to the site, be sure to click one of the subscription options (top left) to be notified each time the blog is updated. Thank you for visiting. Tell your your positive-thinking, motivated friends and your not-so-motivated friends about the blog. There is something for everyone.

There are direct links to downloadable mp3 affirmations at The Affirmation Spot.com on the right menu. They are set to music and allow you take positive thoughts with you wherever you go all day. Enjoy today’s post.


I plan to record this and add it to the website in the near future, but decided to share the text today. If you read this to yourself, you can feel your confidence rising and your stress melting away. Why a manifesto? This self-dialogue is full of self-declarations of your readiness to move forward to healing, success, peace, or whatever your immediate goals are.candle1.jpg

The first key is to realize that you have the courage, the wisdom and the strength within you to make the changes you want to make in your life; to bring about the healing you seek. For, in truth your healing comes from within. Others may facilitate or act as mediators, but it is the healer within you that is bringing about the miracle you are receiving right now. Know this deeply.

Focus your healing energies on bringing about an end to your suffering. This healing is occurring within you right now. It is not far off in the future. Your healing is a reality right now in this moment. You are experiencing a complete healing. Your mind, body, emotions, and spirit are all benefiting. Joy is increasing and expanding in your life exponentially. Your horizons are growing brighter and brighter.

You are opening your heart and your mind to possibilities you had never before considered. Right now you are accepting that anything and everything is possible for you. You understand that the circumstances in your life are always perfect to create the highest version of yourself. Your tools, your gifts, and your talents are more than enough to create a life of abundant success and happiness. Feel the joy increasing in your life.

Feel your confidence rising. There is no situation you cannot handle. There are no limits to what you can achieve. Nothing can occur that you can’t learn from and turn to your advantage. As your joy increases and your happiness manifests; there is less room for fear in your life, less room for self-doubt. These aspects of yourself are clearly decreasing in your life.

In fact, you are, as I speak, releasing your fears, releasing your self-doubt. They serve no purpose in your life. So you are releasing them and letting them go. You are successful. You think like a success, you talk like a success, you act like a success. You are a success!  Your success is complete; encompassing all aspects of your life.

Your spiritual life is a success, your career is a success, and your relationships are a success. You are a success. And success means progress in every area of your life. You are releasing the habitual patterns of thought and action that have held you back in the past.

You are releasing thoughts and actions that limit you in any way, shape, or form. By releasing these limiting patterns in your life; you are now completely free to live your life in this moment and to create your highest good in the here and now. You are determined to be fully present in the experience of now. You are intuitive, creative, and spontaneous in creating your new life – each moment, each day.

Feel the harmony, strength, and confidence this knowing creates deep within you. You are becoming the person you always knew you could be right this moment!

Peace…

Ray

The Affirmation Spot.com

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Letting Go Tips – The Affirmation Spot for Wednesday October 17, 2007

woman_eyes_closed_sun_rs.jpgToday’s affirmation is:

“I hold on to those ideas, things, and circumstances that serve my growth and freely release those that no longer do.”

Letting go is something many people have a difficult time doing. As human beings, it is natural that we grow attached to the ideas, things, and circumstances that have added value to our lives. We get used to the way things are and, at times, will go to any extent to keep them that way. This is simply loyalty until it becomes destructive to our well-being.

The ability to let go and move on is a key factor for success in life. Successful people recognize when a situation has yielded all the benefit possible (or enough punishment) and they willingly accept the next challenge.

Many situations begin in our lives as fertile rivers that nourish us and help us grow. However, when we hold on longer than we should we wake up one morning laying in a proverbial dry river bed and wondering what in the world happened.

Now, I’m not advocating a bottom-line cost-benefit approach to life, where you dump your spouse because you “don’t feel it” today or change jobs every six months. Commitment is an important characteristic of successful people as well. 

I’m advocating a wise, well-considered approach that honestly aligns with your deepest needs and intentions. Those are not fickle, flavor-of-the-day feelings, but they do change periodically.

One stumbling block encountered when trying to let something go is the fact that it is a mostly mental process. One way to put an exclamation point on the release is to do something physical to represent the release.

Not every situation needs this much attention, but situations where you are really having a hard time letting go; try the following.

Write the situation you are trying to release on a piece of paper. Be specific. Use names, dates, and descriptions. At the end of the note, write, “Today I am releasing you.”

Here are three ways to solidify your release of the issue.

1. Take your note and tear it into small pieces. Feed the pieces – one at at time -into a fire until it is gone. As you feed each piece into the fire, say to yourself, “I release you.”

2. Get a balloon and stuff your note inside. Fill the balloon with helium and release it. As the balloon sails up and away, say to yourself, “I release you.” The balloon gets smaller and smaller until it is gone. Visualize your attachment to the situation getting smaller and smaller until it is gone.

3. If there are very strong feelings associated with the situation, try this technique. Put your note in an empty aluminum can. Set the can in your drive way and roll over it with your car until it smashed flat. Each time you roll over the can say to yourself, “I’m done with this situation.” When you have crushed the can flat throw it a way and “be done with it.”

These techniques are helpful for situations involving strong emotional attachments. Not every situation requires such an extreme measure, but we do need to maintenance our lives occasionally to make sure we are surrounding ourselves with the people, things, and circumstances that benefit us and the people we care about.

Have an exceptional Wednesday.

Peace…

Ray 

The Affirmation Spot.com

New affirmations are available today in the Wealth and Prosperity, Personal Empowerment, and Sales sections of the website.

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