Seven Ways to Lose the Drama in Your Life – Day 219 of 365 Days to a Better You

Drama is awesome in a movie, but taxing in our lives. How do you minimize the drama in your life? Based on feedback from readers, TinyBuddha.com compiled a list of seven things you can do to reduce the drama.

  1. Recognize when you’re the source of the drama. If you want to go on a drama diet, start with you. You’re the person you have the most control over. You might find, when considered beyond the heat of the moment, that you started or contributed to your last dramatic episode.
  2. Change your perspective. Is the situation going to matter in a year or even 10 minutes from now? Avoid making mountains out of molehills.
  3. Don’t feed into other people’s drama. So, you didn’t cause the drama, but did your pour oil on their fire of drama? Let them have their moment and move on.
  4. Reconsider unhealthy relationships. Are there people who bring nothing but drama to you? Harsh as it might sound, you may have to cut ties to cut the drama. This is, of course, a balance. If a person brings real value in your life but lots of drama too, you may try having a dispassionate conversation with them to see if you can come to an agreement to reduce drama.
  5. Be clear with other people. Sometimes drama is just miscommunication. Both people are reacting rather than responding to the situation. Go to your calm place and take the emotion out of it to get to clear communication.
  6. Be slow to label it drama. Sometimes it’s just a lack of patience or insight that causes us to call something drama. The other person might just really need you right now. Seen and understood in a different light the “drama” might just be a need for compassion.
  7. Learn from drama. This might be the most important one. Are you having the same drama over and over? Maybe the other person and you aren’t learning from past dramas. Get conscious. If you know something sets them off, do you really need to go there? Conversely, if you know your buttons are being pushed, get conscious and choose a different reaction or take some space.

Your life doesn’t have to be a constant soap opera, if you’ll take these steps to lose the drama.

You’re amazing! I just wanted to tell you that in case no one else reminds you today.

Ray

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Use I AM Wisely – Day 210 of 365 Days to a Better You

You likely say the phrase I AM or it’s shortened version I’m 50-100 times a day. And if you count the times you think them, and that’s equally impactful, it’s several multiples of that number.

No two words are more powerful and there’s something else you should know. Subconsciously, every time you say them, you’re creating an equation where what you say next is equal to I AM.

This is why they are the most common and powerful opening to affirmations. What equations are you burning into you’re subconscious?

  • I am a failure.
  • I’m always late.
  • I am bad at tests.
  • I am a bad parent.
  • I am never going to…

You get the idea. More than likely it’s a mix of positive and negative, but you often use the negative I AMs to systematically best yourself down. Stop it! Get conscious about it. Catch yourself doing that and correct it.

One great way to use your I AMs to maximum positive effect is to consciously turn them into affirmations. Drown out the negative I AMs with a tsunami of positive ones.

Make the power of that subconscious self-equation machine work FOR you.

Love you all and I’ll talk to you again tomorrow.

Ray

There Are No Dumb Questions – Day 209 of 365 Days to a Better You

You’ve probably heard someone say, “There are no dumb questions,” when trying to get a class or a group of people to open up. Because of the situations where you’ve heard it (maybe a situation where you didn’t have a question), you might have allowed this important piece of advice to slide right by you.

Questioning is at the heart of a growing mind and an expanding soul. Yet, many in our culture fear looking weak if they admit they don’t have all the answers. Questioning is like opening the door and exposing your ignorance.

Some pretty smart people disagree.

  • Confucius said it like this, “The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute; the man who does not ask is a fool for life.”
  • Einstein added, “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.”
  • Socrates went a step further by saying, “The only true wisdom is knowing that you know nothing.”

Power hack: So, never fear asking questions. Those who don’t ask won’t know. Every question answered adds to your store knowledge. There’s no embarrassment in admitting you don’t know, asking for help, or seeking new truths.

Go through life like a great journalist. Always asking the hard questions of life, of others, and of yourself. You’ll be better for it, smarter for it, and way ahead of those people sitting in silence afraid to ask.

Thanks for spending another few minutes on the blog. You ARE awesome! If you enjoy what you read here, please tell a couple of friends.

Speak your truth unapologetically!

Ray

 

Each Morning is New Birth – Day 205 of 365 Days to a Better You

We are lucky. Our lives are broken into 30,000 new births rounded by sleep. We don’t have to wait for a new year or a big event to shift a paradigm, start over, or try again. Every single morning of our lives gives us that opportunity.

The venerable Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, wrote the following in his classic book Peace is Every step.

“Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.”

I’ve held this quote close for the 30 years since I first read it. We are each gifted “twenty-four brand new hours” every day. Whether you’re prince or pauper, tall or short, skinny or heavy, male or female, whatever your race or creed; we are all equal in this regard.

No one gets an advantage. It’s an opportunity and a responsibility. It begs the question, “What will you and I do with this amazing gift?”

Our answers become our lives. Don’t worry, though, if today isn’t the day you figure it all out. With a little luck, you’ll get another birth tomorrow morning to take another step on the journey.

Let’s be the people we came to the planet to be today.

Ray

You Are Author, Director, and Star of Your Life – Day 204 of 365 Days to a Better You

Today’s Affirmation

This my life and I OWN it!

Have you become a bystander in your own life? Are other people or circumstances or old habits running your days and becoming your destiny?

We are a culture of spectators and many people have come to believe that outside forces determine their fates. Do you believe that…even a little?

I’m here to remind you that’s not how it’s supposed to be. You are no bit player in your life. You are the author, the director, and the star. If you’ve handed the leading role to someone else, grab the limelight back. This is your script, your scene, and your role.

This movie is about you and you were chosen out of all the living vibrations in this multiverse to come here at this time and in this place to make this blockbuster.

Refuse to fade into the background in your own show. Work and rework the script. Sit proudly in the director’s chair. Bring your story to life.

I believe in you. Meet me halfway and believe in you too!

Ray

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How to Write Affirmations That Change Your Life – Day 203 of 365 Days to a Better You

Thought for the Day:

Affirmations without action are just glorified wishful thinking. Affirmations are “mental armor” supporting empowered action, not a substitute for it.

Over the past several years, I’ve written many articles about affirmations -how affirmations work, types of affirmations, ways to use affirmations, etc., etc., etc. Some of those articles are linked to in this article.

However, I’ve never just written an article on how to write an effective affirmation. Today I had a request from a follower on Twitter to provide a “how to” and decided it was a good time to write that article. Let me begin by saying that there are many gurus out there with many ideas on how to correctly write affirmations. There are also some dogmas around the process. I’m not big on dogmas of any kind. So some of this might be unorthodox. Feel free to use what resonates for you.

Before we begin, let me make a few quick points. Affirmations are a tool to reshape and refocus your thoughts. By themselves, they don’t “make” anything happen. However, as you replace negative thoughts with negative vibrations with positive thoughts and positive vibrations, you do begin to attract better things into your life. Affirmations without action are just wishful thinking. The idea is that as you raise the vibration of your thoughts, you become more inspired to take action to manifest those thoughts as reality in the world. See the thought of the day at the top of the article.


I recommend reading my two part series on
Affirmations: Repetition and Belief along with using this list to create your affirmations. Following is  7-step process for creating your own affirmations. This is my way. It has worked for me over the past 20 years. Others might have another way that works for them.

  1. Start with a goal – you must have a goal in mind. The clearer the goal, the better the affirmation and the better chance for success. A cloudy goal leads to an unclear affirmation, and poor results.
  2. Affirm what you can believe – affirmations are not a tool for persuading you to believe something you don’t believe. They are a tool to help you create and multiply thoughts that support the action necessary to achieve the things you believe you can achieve. However, you can use what I call “aspirational affirmations” to help manifest a distant goal. You just need to be able to believe you can achieve that goal one day. (Read more Incremental Affirmations and Unrealistic Affirmations)
  3. Use clear language – the language of your affirmation should be clear and powerful for you. It’s OK to use phrases and terms that are very personal to you as long as the language resonates and feels empowering when you say it. Be as specific as possible.
  4. Present Tense – in most cases, it is more effective to use the present tense when writing, speaking, or listening to affirmations. In other words, state your affirmation as “I am…” rather than “I will..” or “I should”. The lone exception would be those discussed in the Incremental Affirmations article.
  5. First, second, and third person – most affirmation gurus will tell you to always put your affirmations in the first person, such as I am a magnificent dancer, rather than the second person you are a magnificent dancer. I agree that first person is the best if you are only going to choose one. Why stop with first person, though? An affirmation can be very powerful in the second person and using your name. I recommend using all three. I am a great writer. You are a great writer. Ray is a great writer. This holographic language creates a more powerful and holistic affirmation. (Read more Adding the Power of You to Your Affirmations)
  6. Use them, use them, use them – once you have written an empowering affirmation, use it. Like so many other motivational tools, affirmations are created and then cast aside after a day or two. Read them aloud, read them into the mirror, post them places where you can see them throughout your day, record them and listen to them passively (Listening Passively to Affirmations) or actively over and over until they infuse your mind. The goal for an affirmation is to have it replace the negative or disempowering thoughts and become thoroughly embedded in your thought process so that it becomes the automatic response  (How Do You Know Your Affirmations are Working?) to your negative thoughts.
  7. Take action – affirmations without action is just wishful thinking. You must think and then act, if you are to achieve.

Follow your bliss! Experience your bliss! Become your bliss!

Ray

Ray Davis is the Founder of The Affirmation Spot and focuses on empowering minds to think positively, achieve goals, and live dreams.He’s spent the past 21 years in sales and sales training for major companies.

He is the author of the Anunnaki Awakening series (2015). Book 1 – Revelation – is now available in paperback and on Kindle.

Drop Your Shields! – Day 201 of 365 Days to a Better You

Yeah. I’m a Trekkie from way back. Could not resist the Star Trek reference here. I don’t know what you’ve been through in life. You may have had a relatively easy life or you may have had horrific things happen to you.

Here’s what I do know. You can’t go through life with your shields up all the time. Even though you may feel like you’ve been taken advantage of, and most of us have been at one time or another, you have to figure out a way to be open and to trust.

I’m not saying it’s easy. It is necessary. The fact is you need other people to pursue anything meaningful in this world. Having sky-high barriers that are like those signs on a Disney ride – “Go back while you still can” – pushes people away.

Bonds, partnership, and collaboration are needed for you to push your goals and dreams to the limit.

“OK, Ray. I may agree with you, but people have been awful to me in the past. How do I open up without being harmed again?”

Power hack: There’s no fool-proof way to avoid harm. We live in a world filled with risk and reward and a lot of each in the other. Here are some practical steps you can take to drop your shields without leaving yourself vulnerable to attack.

  1. See each person and each situation as different. The fact that other people have hurt you doesn’t mean all people will hurt you. Give people a chance.
  2. Two strikes and you’re out. Assume the positive. Give people two chances to prove they want to have a positive relationship. One strike and you’re out is kind of harsh. People make honest mistakes. Give people a second chance. However, the third time shows a pattern. Better to move on.
  3. Expect respect.  Respect other people, their rights, and their boundaries and require other people to do the same with you. You can’t expect respect if you don’t give it, but if you give it expect it back.
  4. You’re always in control. If someone just doesn’t give you a good vibe, you’re not required to engage them and take that energy into yourself. There are so many people walking around today looking for people who piss them off to do battle with them. Two negatives don’t make a positive. Not everyone has to be a friend or a colleague.
  5. Be authentic. Know thyself and work out from there. When you have a strong sense of who you are and you act on that, you’ll start to attract people and situations that align with that energy.

The bottom line is it’s not productive to cruise the galaxy of life with your shields constantly up. You’ll miss amazing opportunities and relationships. Just be true to who you are, give other people a fair chance, and cut your losses when that’s what needs to be done. Have boundaries not walls and you’ll do great.

I think each and every one of you is amazing and I thank you for stopping by and reading this today. If this struck a nerve, please leave a comment below. If you know someone who needs to hear this, please share it.

Ray