Love someone and find someone to love.

Let’s take a break today from 10 Empowering Ideas. We’ll come back to that tomorrow. Today is the day of romantic love – St. Valentine’s Day.

Let’s just start here. If you’re reading this and you’re still breathing, YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE. PERIOD!

Finding someone to love and who loves you back is one of the most sacred and gut-wrenching endeavors of our lives. Like so many things in our society, we’ve turned it into a kind of transaction. I’ll trade you my beauty for your wealth and success or I’ll agree to ignore your flaws if you’ll ignore mine. Will you please, please, please love me because I need someone to.

My wife, April, has been a big fan of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise for many years. Time and again, you see smart, beautiful, talented people leave that show, muttering through their tears something to the effect of, “Why won’t anyone ever love me?”

You can see the pain on their faces and the deep-seated concern that, despite all they obviously bring to the table, no one could or will ever love them.

I feel that every time because I spent quite a few years in my teens and 20’s feeling that exact way. During the early part of that period I was painfully shy and lacked the confidence to even ask someone out. In the later part of that period, I had a number of relationships where I was putting the love and effort in, but there was no love or effort coming back to me. I had a number of Bachelor moments wondering, sadly, if I was just cursed by love or unlovable.

I went through some counseling to deal with the self-esteem and the “I’m not lovable” aspects. I also decided I was not cursed. I just needed to find someone who appreciated what I brought to the table and stop focusing my time pining away for those who didn’t. In my early 30s, yes my 30s, I made it a key focus of my life to find love.

You know, there’s an ancient Greek myth that is the source of our concept of soulmate. The gods feared that human beings would one day ascend Mt. Olympus and threaten the rule of the gods. The story goes, that humans were exactly twice as big in those days and included both a masculine and feminine side. The gods devised a devious plan to keep humans occupied and their rule safe. They split humans into two – the male and the female – and condemned humans to spending their lives trying to find their other half. Thus preoccupied, they had no time or energy to battle the gods. Damn those gods!

It’s an interesting story and when you’re looking for love, it can sure feel like “the gods” are working against you. Don’t give up! Don’t give in! Keep looking! I GUARANTEE you there is someone out there who will be thrilled to love you and that you will be thrilled to love.

If you think you know who that someone is, get in the game now! Take action. Be bold. When is a better time than Valentine’s Day to just go for it?

Here’s a clue. If he or she is alone, they’re probably looking too. Trust me, they’re not as perfect and “above you” as you think. Send the card, the flowers, or the chocolates. Put yourself out there. It’s a risk, but a WORTHY and WORTH IT risk.

For those of you who have found that special someone, cherish it. Nourish it. There’s nothing better than having that partner, friend, and lover to go through this life with. Finally, when I was 35, I met April. We’ve now enjoyed an amazing 20 years together. Every year has been an adventure. We challenge each other in good and, sometimes, challenging ways. We have a built-in best friend. There’s nothing like it.

For all of us, finding someone to love in this world is a noble endeavor and a hard-fought accomplishment. Who are we to question who other people love? Two souls finding each other in this twisted maze of our world is an amazing thing and always worthy of being celebrated and respected.

Here are a few dozen affirmations (since I can’t send you roses) to help propel you wherever you are on your journey to love. Wishing you a beautiful Valentine’s Day with your cherished one. If you’re without this year, seriously, there’s NOTHING wrong with you. Your moment and your person is out there. If you’re still looking for him or her, he or she is still looking for you.

Love, peace, and happiness.

Ray