Tony Robbins, Self-Help, and Victimhood – Day 144 of 365 Days to a Better You

Emotion unlocks the secret chambers of the mind and is sometimes necessary for healing.

We live in a world filled with miracles and savageries. Not one of us, regardless of our gender, race, or social standing, is immune. When you’ve experienced a savage event of any kind or any degree, the natural first reaction is to feel victimized by the event. It’s inherently unfair that someone else’s words or actions have caused you physical or psychological harm.

Here’s the thing. Victimhood is a normal and natural beginning of the healing process. There’s a legitimate push for legal or other repercussions for the person that harmed you. That’s all healthy and legitimate.

There comes a point, however, when remaining in the status of victim becomes detrimental both to the healing and to moving forward with your life. It can become your identity and that doesn’t serve a healthy and prosperous life. Despite that fact, people cling voraciously to their victimhood.

Eventually, a victim feels the side effects of this approach and they seek some kind of help or relief. There are many efficacious ways to get that help. Professional counseling, medicines, and, yes, personal development or self-help techniques.

Before I begin, let me clear. I am not personally defending Tony Robbins for anything inappropriate he may have done. That seems to be having its day in the court of public opinion and perhaps eventually in courts. Hopefully, justice will be done for Tony and his accusers.

People with big emotional scars have been attending Tony Robbins events for decades. For better or worse, his techniques have been practiced on millions of people. In a sample size that large, there are going to be some who find those techniques exactly what they needed to free themselves from their disempowering victimhood. The evidence by way of personal testimony is that’s the case.

Conversely, there are going to be some people for whom his direct, loud, and aggressive techniques don’t mesh with their personal psychology and it may cause further distress. Mixed outcomes are to be expected with any modality. I’ve been involved in personal development for 30 years. I’ve also used counseling other modalities as a part of my journey. Every technique I’ve ever been exposed to has it plusses and minuses.

There is simply no denying Tony Robbins has helped many people over the years. How do we know? There’s no shortage of people who have given him credit for helping them break their victimhood and other destructive patterns. While his techniques may offend or feel like abuse of the victim to some, to others they have been precisely their salvation.

Beyond Tony Robbins, self-help, personal development has helped me and millions of other people aspire to and achieve a better life. It really angers me that the media and others use this instance as an excuse to attack the whole field as charlatanism and snake oil.

Credentialism has become quite a thing in our culture. You see this in many areas of thought. Everyone should just leave the thinking to the “experts.” That makes for a culture of dependence. I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t listen to the experts, but we are all ultimately responsible for ourselves.

“Self-help Gurus” are attacked because they lack credentials. Having taken all the psychology, psychiatry, and counseling courses does not grant one an automatic corner on human wisdom that might help others. I would argue that personal experience combined with reflection can provide as much benefit as book learning.

Persuading people to walk over hot coals may seem cultish to an outsider. Getting in someone’s face and calling out the BS may seem rude and unprofessional. Our culture of atoms and matter still has a bias against the power of the human mind to heal. That said, if some of the allegations are true, Robbins may have gone too far in some instances.

The question again is, have these techniques worked? The answer for many is yes. Rather than attacking Robbins and others for their approach, perhaps they should just come with a warning label.

If you’d rather spend 15 years on a counselor’s couch talking through your issues, that’s fine. A Tony Robbins event is probably not for you. If, however, you’ve been there and done that and you’re ready to try something more radical and cathartic to change your situation, then it might be perfect for you.

My point is there is no one right way help someone mentally and spiritually heal. One person might like hard rock and someone else might like classical music. Who’s right? They’re both right for the right person. The same goes for healing modalities.

Power Hack: I’m not going to let you off the hook on the victimhood thing. Someone telling to it you straight is not necessarily more dangerous than your chronic victimhood. We are all victims to one extent or another and for one reason or another. It’s part of the human condition. I could make you a long list of ways I’ve felt victimized over time, but I’m just not going to let them decide me.

In the meantime as I said in another recent post, you can become stuck in the victimhood and waste time here waiting for life to be more fair and our society to be more just or you can do the only thing any of us can do. You decide that you won’t be anyone’s victim, including your own, any more.

That’s empowerment and however you get there; it’s cool with me!

Wishing my American readers a wonderful Memorial Day and thanking you all for your support in reading, liking, and sharing this blog.

Ray

 

 

Advertisements

I CAN, I CAN, I CAN, AND I AM!

Today’s Affirmation:

As the voice of I CAN becomes stronger in my life, I can’t melts away!

The Power to Be You

silouette_ocean_horizon

Courage! I CAN are two of the most powerful words in the English language. I CAN and I CAN’T are two of the primal and most powerful affirmations in our lives. The one that rules your mind and governs your actions will determine your outcomes in life. Which one is winning the battle in your mind today?

Ray

When you put your soul into your goal, outcomes become incomes.

Successful people have multiple income streams. Do you?

Start Now!

Return to Innoncence – Enigma – The Affirmation Spot for Friday July 31, 2009

I first experienced (and it always an experience) Enigma’s powerful music about 20 years ago. I just realized yesterday that they are the artist behind this astonishing piece of music and inspiring video. Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we forget the basics. Who are you? Why are you here? Why does it matter?

This song reminds us that there is something of immense value to be had when we return to our core; when we listen to the essence of our being. The wisdom, the knowledge, the remembering all right there any time we are ready to experience them.

May that experience inspire your day! May it stoke the fire of passion you once had for your life, your goals, and your dreams! May you truly return to innocence!

Original video:

Version with lyrics:

Stay inspired!

Ray

2009 Affirmation

“This year I am absolutely committed to being the person I came here to be!”

It’s Not Where You Start: A Super Star is Born- The Affirmation Spot for Sunday July 26, 2009

Life is not about where we begin, but where we finish. It sounds like a cliche, but it is the absolute truth. The fact is we can let our setbacks end us or we can let them strengthen us. As long as we keep running, we are never out of the race.

Here is a “take me back” video that shows a real life example of this idea in action. Whether horse or human our determination is what seals our fall or our place in history.

CALL Your Negative Thoughts – The Affirmation Spot for Monday May 18, 2009

Today’s affirmation is:

“Each and every day I am learning how magnificent life can be and how magnificent I can be.” (click the affirmation to hear it in MP3)



“Speak of the Devil and he appears,” goes the old aphorism. Some people in the positive thought movement seem to think the same thing about negative thoughts. They are something to be avoided at all costs. You must stamp them out like burning embers of a campfire to prevent their spread.

Certainly the great Dr. Norman Vincent Peale was a popular pioneer in the positive thinking movement. His writing has within it these admonitions to treat negative thinking like the plague. Many who have come after him have picked up on this theme.

Obviously, the goal of positive thinking and affirmations is to diminish negative thoughts and counter them with positive thoughts. This is a worthy and highly beneficial goal that enhances your life. Negative thoughts, however, are a natural part of being human. We all have them and we will always have them.

The problem is when we try to become a superhuman robot who avoids negative thinking. This is not realistic or even beneficial. The fear of negative thinking becomes a focus rather than the true task – to increase levels of positivity in our lives.

To panic and spend a lot of time concerning yourself with negative thoughts, only causes them to blossom and grow. Recognizing them, accepting them, and letting them go steals their power and allows them to vanish back into the void from where they came. Having a negative thought is not the problem. Allowing them to become your habitual way of seeing things is what you want to avoid.

Actually, our negative thoughts provide a natural benefit. They shed light on the parts of us that need work and attention. If you always have negative thoughts about your job, maybe that part of your life needs some attention. If you have negative thoughts about certain people, those may be relationships that need work.

It’s rather entertaining sometimes to simply “thought watch”. Our minds are interesting things. When you relax, close your eyes, and watch your thoughts for a while. Quickly,  you notice how impermanent thoughts are. They appear and create feelings. They disappear and the feelings disappear with them.

If your thoughts are very destructive and involve hurting yourself or others, get professonal help.
Here are four things you can do to handle and live more harmoniously with common negative thoughts. They form the word CALL.
  1. Counter – counter your negative thoughts with tools like affirmations. Persistent negative thoughts can be countered and changed by offering positive alternatives. This process is called thought substitution. Negative thoughts help you identify where you need to target affirmations.
  2. Accept – accept that you will have negative thoughts and it’s OK. You’re human after all. No beating yourself up.
  3. Listen – listen to your negative thoughts. They may provide insight into where you need to focus your self-improvement efforts.
  4. Laugh – some of your negative thoughts really are pretty funny when you get enough perspective. Lighten up and see the humor in the way your mind works.

I’m not saying don’t try to transform your negative thoughts into something positive. I’m just saying that when they want to come out and play, CALL allows you to say, “Bring it on!”

Be peaceful Be positive Be prosperous!

Ray

Sunshine and Rain in Our Lives – The Affirmationspot for Wednesday January 21, 2009

Today’s Affirmation:

“”I am in touch with nature. Every day I feel my feet touch the earth. I feel the wind fill my lungs. I feel the water bring life to every cell of my being. I feel the warm sunshine on my face. I am in touch with nature.”
(Click the affirmation to hear the mp3 version)

silouette_ocean_horizon.jpg It is a beautiful day, a day of hope for the future; a day of limitless beginnings. For your life is like a garden, you must plant it and tend it before the harvest comes. You must nurture the garden of your life as you go; weeding it of old destructive patterns of thought and action. Making sure it receives the love and care necessary for its growth and ultimately its blossoming.

As with any garden, there must come times of sunshine and times of rain. Both must be if the garden is to succeed and flourish. Conventional wisdom claims that joy is easier to find in the proverbial sunshine than in the proverbial rain.

I have found, however, that when I accept the necessity of the rain, stand in it willingly, and understand its nature and purpose; it can be even sweeter than the sunshine.

The sunshine is the provider of life, doing its work over long hours, days, and weeks. Without it, there is no life. The rain, by contrast, is an occasional visitor. It appears in short increments, but is the source of rapid growth. It brings newness to all it touches.

So keep in mind that if today brings a little rain into your life, it’s OK. The sun will return soon enough. It is right behind the clouds. For today, stand strong, give yourself to the rain, and grow grow grow!

Ray
http://www.theaffirmationspot.com

2009 Affirmation
“This year I am absolutely committed to being the person I came here to be.”

Your Belief Inventory – The Affirmation Spot for Monday January 12, 2009

Today’s Affirmation:

“This year I am absolutely committed to being the person I came here to be.”
(This is the official TAS affirmation for 2009. Click the affirmation to hear the mp3 version)

yesterdayWhat you believe about you, your life, and the world impacts your experience of them. Your beliefs inform your thoughts and your thoughts generate your actions. And, of course, your actions create the world where you live. It’s very important to be aware of your beliefs.

Are your current beliefs fully conscious to you? Or, is your self-perception stuck in yesterday? Do you know what you believe today? Of course, the quick answer is “yes”. Do you really?

Just as a once- thriving river bed slowly dries up and changes course your beliefs can subtly shift over time almost without your knowledge. You don’t notice it day to day, but over years the change can be dramatic.

Life is an ever-changing adventure, but sometimes your self-perception and the perception of others does not keep up with who you are today.

You and the people around you may have an outdated idea of who you are.

Have you had the experience of really advancing in your professional or personal life only to have your family not recognize the change? You go home for the holidays and your mother still sees you and treats you like you’re 13. It can be very frustrating when others fail to recognize the strides and leaps you have made in life. Their perception of you can become locked in time.

When I was 25 I became seriously ill and spent several weeks in the hospital. One of the best internists in the city took my case. He became my personal physician for several years. He was a gifted and talented doctor, but he never let go of his vision of me as that sick person lying in a hospital bed. Finally, I had to move on and find a new doctor. His belief about who I was didn’t keep up with reality.

While frustrating when other people do this to you, you often do it to yourself. Has your perception of who you are kept up with the reality?

Here is an idea to help you get in touch with who you are today. Complete a Belief Inventory.

Take each of the following dimensions of your life (feel free to add your own) and write a brief description of your belief on that area of your life.

Don’t jump the gun. Give it some real thought. Really capture your true beliefs on each of these topics.

Belief Inventory

  • Personality
  • Relationships
  • Career
  • Body image
  • Future
  • Spiritual life
  • Life
  • Politics

Here’s the punchline. Now that you better understand where you really stand on these aspects of your life you can map a strategy for self-development based on where you really are instead of where you thought you were.

If you’re really bold, share it with family and friends and have them complete one on you. The feedback could be interesting and you will get a sense of who they think you are.

Have fun with your Belief Inventory and I’d love to hear how it comes out.

Stay inspired!

Ray

Ray Davis is the author of Anunnaki Awakening: Revelation – order your signed copy today at AATrilogy.com – founder of The Affirmation Spot and an advocate for the potential of the human race. He’s life-long history buff and holds a B.S. in History Education. He’s always been fascinated by alternative views of history.

anunnaki_cover_full_colorAnunnaki Awakening: Revelation is turning heads and opening minds. Humanity’s past is checkered, secret, and dangerous.

White House Correspondent Maria Love is on to the story of her life and with the help of an Anunnaki leaders seeks to unravel and reveal history’s biggest conspiracy. The Awakening has begun!