Interview with Maia Berens – The Affirmation Spot for Friday June 20, 2008



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Today’s affirmation is:

“Right this moment I am attracting the perfect mate into my life.”
(5 times)

“Right this moment you are attracting the perfect mate into your life.”
(5 times)

Hear an audio mp3 version of this affirmation right now.



 

Today we are honored to have a The Affirmation Spot exclusive interview with Maia Berens.

 

 Maia Berens is a California-based life coach specializing in relationships. She has successfully coached countless clients by telephone over more than 10 years. She helps people to improve their lives and develop long-term successful relationships.

 

 Maia credits her own successful 23-year relationship and her 18 years collaboration with world-renowned relationship expert John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus) for giving her the foundation to help others with their relationships.

 

 Maia says about herself, “I have a natural ability to help people see what’s good about what’s going on in their lives.” Her goal for her clients is simple – help them create the confidence within that leads to the ability to have a successful relationship.

  

The Affirmation Spot: Maia, thank you for the opportunity to speak with you. Can you begin my telling us a little about your background and what inspired you to become a relationship coach?

Maia Berens: That’s a pretty funny one to start with for me. I am just becoming very clear on my own personal path that I am really not a relationship coach, but rather someone who coaches clients to get ready for relationships by helping them re-discover/uncover their authentic selves. So what inspired me to become that – lets call it Real Self Coach? (It) was my natural bent to teach and coach and the miraculous changes that I’ve been blessed to have occur in my life using all the tools and attitude changes I teach/coach.

 

The Affirmation Spot: There seem to be three sides to your current work – coach, writer and blogger, and business person. How do you balance those three aspects of your life and keep your own relationships in balance and vibrant?

 Maia Berens: I know my priorities. They are self-care, work, family and friends in no particular order except self-care is the basis for it all. My husband and my family are definitely priorities, but I put them before me and my needs only if there is an emergency. I guess it boils down to knowing who and what’s important in the moment.

 

The Affirmation Spot: You worked with John Gray author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus for many years. What was it like to work with John and how did that collaboration influence what you are doing now?

Maia Berens: John is a very creative and brilliant guy. It was inspiring and a great learning experience working closely with him. His influences are vast in my life and that of my husband and my kids. He taught us and took us through many healing experiences in his workshops in the early ’80’s. He taught us tools to heal the past and have functional relationships. I got an opportunity to create workshops based on his material and coach 500 professional therapists and speakers to help them get out of their own way to create success in their workshop businesses. My husband and I actually met in a workshop conducted by John and Barbara De Angelis and John participated in marrying us 22 years ago. One of my daughters got to work in our Mars Venus Institute for 3 years and got to get experience being paid as a writer and she is now a screenwriter.

 

The Affirmation Spot: Are relationships more complicated today than they were 50 or 100 years ago? If so, what is driving that complexity and how do people handle deal with the complexity and succeed in their relationships?

Maia Berens: Relationships of the past were more based on financial need and functional need years ago, I believe. Today we expect partnership; we have super busy lives complicated with technology, traffic, everyone working, etc. And we are evolving to become more authentic (although probably not less complicated) humans. Your question about how do people deal – not so well in a lot of cases. We are still suffering from a lot of old ideas and (this) isn’t helped by our media. But the news is good. More and more people like you and I are having an impact and people are willing to learn.

 

The Affirmation Spot: You mention the role of the media in propagating some old ideas. What are some the biggest misconceptions that you see repeated or reinforced in the media?

Maia Berens: It’s probably mostly the happily ever after stories in the movies that never show real work and real resolution, more than anything.

 

The Affirmation Spot: What role, in your view, do our relationships play in our spiritual development?

Maia Berens: Relationships can be a “Way”. They can be a way to lay bare the ego and learn how to heal the past and in doing so lead one to become more and more authentic – who we really are – spirit having a human experience.

 

The Affirmation Spot: How would you describe your coaching philosophy?

Maia Berens: I believe that all the answers are in each of us. Our coaching collaboration allows me to hear where you may not be looking and (helps me) point out to you where you are not seeing yourself as fabulous as you really are. I reflect back to you and keep you on course in the direction you’ve told me you want to go. Unlike many coaches, I also act as a mentor in many areas. I gently tell you what I see and you may reject it or use it.

 

The Affirmation Spot: How does a person or a couple recognize the need for a coach? How does what you differ from traditional counseling?

Maia Berens: If you want support to get somewhere in your life and you aren’t getting there yourself, a coach is a great choice. If you feel you want to delve into the whys and wherefores of your past, probably a therapist is for you. Also a therapist is probably a good idea if you keep having highly abusive relationships.

 

The Affirmation Spot: What qualities and credentials should people be looking for in choosing a coach?

Maia Berens: You know you have a match if you feel like this person (the coach) gets you and has your agenda first. I suggest having sample sessions or conversations with as many coaches as it takes until you find that fit. Trust your gut and don’t be sold.

 

The Affirmation Spot: What are some of the biggest pitfalls you see people in long-term relationships falling into? What words of advice would you offer to people in “stale” relationships?

Maia Berens: (The) biggest pitfall is not saying what is going on for real and in good time – even if it’s to say I feel the relationship is stale and I’m not feeling loving. Hard truths are the most challenging to speak, but they are the only way to get back to love. I also think people don’t really know how to have really deep relationships. By that (I mean), I don’t think they know that it takes work and clearing of old emotional stuff and old beliefs formed in childhood in order to have a relationship that can works now.

 

The Affirmation Spot: What words of advice can you offer young people entering the world of serious relationships for the first time?

Maia Berens: Be brave enough to express what is really going on with you and trust what your intuition is telling you. Find an older, more successful person in good relationships to check things out with.

 

The Affirmation Spot: Maia, thank you for the fantastic insights. How can people contact you to learn more about your services?

Maia Berens:

 Phone:  (310) 264-5625

Email: maia@whataboutlifecoaching.com

Websites: http://whataboutlifecoaching.com and http://thepumpkincoach.com

 

Thank you to Maia for sharing her wisdom with us.

 

Stay inspired!

 

Ray

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Peaceful Divorce Advocate – The Affirmation Spot for Saturday January 12, 2008

The Affirmation Spot - Intelligent Optimism for the Real World.


Today’s affirmation is:

“Even as my marriage splits, I am finding ways to keep my life and my family together.”

There is always a positive side to every experience we have in life. Even the most stressful situations can be made better when we make empowered choices. Divorce, unfortunately, is pandemic in our society. While no one wants to advocate divorce, it is an unfortunate fact of life.

The adversarial legal system makes a bad situation worse. It is not designed to help the parting couple in their future role as partners in raising their children. In fact, it is designed to create adversity and animosity not beneficial to that process.

The peaceful divorce movement has grown up as a response to that problem. It offers an alternative to the angst of the traditional system. It provides many broken families hope for a peaceful, productive future. 

Today The Affirmation Spot welcomes an article from guest contributor and peaceful divorce advocate, Belinda Rachman Esq.

The Last Thing You Need Is A Divorce Lawyer!

belinda.gifWhy You Should Consider A Cooperative Divorce

The divorce process is so complicated most people just don’t want to deal with it on their own. Traditionally the process of getting a divorce has involved hiring lawyers, going to court and letting a judge or the lawyers decide and/or negotiate the outcome. The couple plays the most passive role in the legal drama. Because the decisions are coming from above instead of the couple themselves fashioning a result, it is often difficult for the couple to comfortably live with the final outcome.

Most people resent solutions that are imposed on them. It is natural that individuals are more satisfied when they get to decide for themselves instead of being told what to do. When the couple is more actively involved in creating the terms of their own divorce instead of having to put up with the “one size fits all” solution that the legal process gives them, there is a better fit and more of a commitment to make it work.

So here is the most important question, does it make sense to avoid the adversarial system for your divorce? If keeping out of court and saving money on legal fees while protecting your assets and co-parenting relationship sounds good to you, then you really ought to explore mediation. I am not saying mediation is for everyone, but if the two of you are decent people who just want out, no one is trying to hurt the other one and both of you are honest and reliable about money with enough honor to keep your word, then you are the perfect client for mediation.

What A Mediator Does

The attorney who acts as mediator does not represent either party but acts as a neutral facilitator who is a resource for both. The couple can ask the attorney/mediator legal questions and receive help in arriving at all the terms of their divorce. The mediator drafts the marital settlement agreement, which is the document that is attached to the Judgment. The judge signs the agreement without the couple ever going to court and the divorce becomes final 6 months from the day the initial papers were filed and served. When the mediator has a powerful intention to complete the divorce process instead of dragging it out, the results are miraculous.

How Much Does Mediation Cost?

Mediator fees vary depending on location and expertise so call around to make sure you are fully informed. In my own practice the whole process, on average, takes between 4-7 hours but there is certain homework that must be done prior to working with me. It is important to know the mediator’s success rate and how many meetings it usually takes. Mediation is a tiny fraction of the cost of litigation. In California where the average cost of a divorce is $20,000 per side, mediation will always be less. The financial benefits of mediation are obvious but more importantly, you will be comfortable enough with your spouse to co-parent your children. This is the best gift you can give to your children. I ought to know, I was one of those kids caught in the middle. This is why I do what I do. Using mediation instead of litigation brings some sanity back into the divorce process because the adversarial system destroys families. So ask yourself, what kind of divorce do you want? Peaceful divorce is an idea whose time has come.

How To Choose A Mediator

So let’s assume you want to proceed with mediation. You want to make sure the mediator you use has a great track record. The most important thing you want to know is how many couples have they worked with and what percentage settled. Once you find that out you can compare price, length of time it takes and other factors like personality and sex of the mediator before you make up your mind. The important thing is to have all the information you need to make an informed decision. Remember you only get one chance to have a “good divorce” so don’t go down the wrong road because you won’t like the destination.

Is Mediation Right For You

Divorce mediation works best with honest people who are not hiding assets and just want a result that is fair. Most couples who are in the initial stages of thinking about getting a divorce would do well to meet with a divorce mediator as opposed to hiring their own attorneys. You only get one chance at getting a divorce without acrimony. Once you start to go down that adversarial road, it is that much harder to get back to a place where you can function comfortably as co-parents.

Ms. Rachman has been a family law attorney since 1996 and is convinced our adversarial legal system destroys families. She left a successful adversarial law practice and now only does divorce mediation. To find out more information on how mediation differs from litigation, go to http://www.divorce-inaday.com.

Thank you, Belinda for your commitment to helping people in a difficult situation.

Be peaceful Be prosperous!

Ray

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