Who Controls Your Happiness and Success? – The Affirmation Spot for Monday June 6, 2009

Ray’s Daily Affirmation:

“I make my world. My world is what I make of it and I choose to make it a happy place to be.”
(Download this mp3 affirmation or 100s of others at The Affirmation Spot)





Thought:Whoever or whatever controls the criteria for your happiness and success, controls your happiness and success.”

raised_arms_horizonThink about that statement for a moment. Now consider who or what is setting the criteria for your success and happiness in life? Is it you?

Giving up control of your happiness and success has become a common trap in our society. People allow institutions, other people, or their own rigid beliefs to limit or squelch their happiness and success. The barriers become so many and so high that hardly any happiness or success can be enjoyed. Sadly, many people do not even realize they have done so.

Advertisers, politicians, and religious institutions are often active players in asking people to cede their happiness or success to the criteria they set. They set a standard and rely on fear, base instincts, and subconcious/unconscious programming to embed their controlling messages. We can have tremendous reason to be happy or feel successful, but someone is telling us that we cannot be, until we…[fill in the blank].

Here are a few examples of the conscious or unconscious criteria that begin to impact our ability to achieve and enjoy happiness or success. Sometimes these criteria even have noble purposes or great goals behind them, but they are not reason to put your enjoyment of life on hold.

  • “I drink beer brand A because I can only be happy if I have the attention of attractive women.”
  • “I can only be happy as a size 4 because when I look in the magazines that’s who gets the attention.”
  • “I can only be happy when I have a bigger house or more clothes.”
  • “I can’t be happy because I’m an imperfect sinner and not worthy.”
  • “I can’t be happy until all poverty is wiped out.”
  • “Success means having a foreign sports car and a summer beach house. I’m not a success until I have those.”
  • “Success means having a championship ring. All my accomplishments are nothing without that.”

Sometimes we give other people the power to set the criteria for our happiness or success. Sometimes they will it away from us as a means of control.

  • “I’ll never be happy until I’m one of the popular kids.”
  • “I can’t be happy until my son is married.”
  • “I cannot be happy as long he is the president.”
  • “I can only be happy when my husband or wife approves of me.”
  • “I cannot be happy until I have my dad’s approval.”
  • “I’m not be a success until I prove to “them” that I am a success.”

Our words have power! And when we place preconditions on our happiness and success or allow others to, we lose. Our lives pass by unfulfilled.

All of these things are worthy goals when you choose and pursue them on your own accord. It’s fine to work to change who is president, to make your spouse as happy as possible, to purchase clothes that you like. What’s not OK is to allow these things to be criteria for your success or happiness.

There is no secret, objective happiness gained from being a size 4, a millionaire, or having your dad’s approval. Of course, the easy proof of this is that there are plenty of unhappy size 4s and happy size 18s, there are miserable millionaires and happy janitors, and there are just as many unhappy people who have dad’s approval as don’t.

Goals are fine. Aim for the size 4 or the million dollars. Just don’t make it prerequisite for enjoying a satisfying life. When you do you are placing your hope for happiness or success in an external, future condition that does not even guarantee the success or happiness when achieved.

You are allowing your experience of happiness or success to be held hostage to these criteria. You are placing your happiness and success at the mercy of subjective criteria and circumstances set and controlled by others. Why? Your happiness and your success are right here for you to access and enjoy right now.

Thought: “Happiness and success are not matters of fate,  faith, or circumstance. They are states of mind that we choose or reject.”

The keys to owning your own happiness and success are fivefold.

  1. Identify –  recognize the areas of your life where you have allowed someone or something outside of you to set the criteria for your happiness or success. Make a list if it helps you organize your thoughts.
  2. Reclaim Control – take responsibility. Your happiness and success are yours. That entails some responsibility and it is one reason many people give it away to begin with. Recognize that you gave control over your success and happiness away and you can take it back. When other people or institutions have had their control over your success or happiness for a long time they may fight to keep it through guilt or other means. The fact is your happiness and your success belong to you not to them. Claim it!
  3. Lower Barriers – some of us have a difficult time accepting and claiming our happiness and success. You may not feel worthy of these feelings. Even when you gain back control you may establish impossibly high barriers for yourself or continue to use the criteria established for you by others. This gains you nothing. Become friends with the idea of you having success and happiness in your life. If there are hidden emotions or thoughts that are preventing you from enjoying them, get some support or use techniques to identify and handle what is holding you back.
  4. Experience and Enjoy – when you are in control of your own happiness and success and you have an easy, comfortable relationship with them; life is good! Experience your happiness! Celebrate your successes! Share and spread your happiness and success with others.
  5. Help Others – when you experience the emancipation of owning your happiness and success you will want to help others do the same. You will become easily aware of the ways in which people let these influences rob them of their best moments and achievements. There is no reason for us to live in bondage to other peoples’ expecations or criteria. We are as able as they to determine what makes us happy or successful and far more entitled!

Stay inspired!

Ray

2009 Affirmation

“This year I am absolutely committed to being the person I came here to be!”

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Cool Change – The Affirmation Spot for Monday June 29, 2009

Ray’s Daily Affirmation:

“Monday Affirmation: “Monday sets the tone for my whole week and I make it count!”



This is a great way to start your Monday morning! For those of you who remember The Little River Band, you’ll appreciate this. For those of you not quite old enough, you’re in for a treat.

One of the bands biggest hits was a laid back ballad called Cool Change. A YouTube user was kind to put this inspirational song to some cool images.

Stay inspired!

Ray

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21 Affirmations for Fathers’ Day – The Affirmation Spot for Sunday June 21, 2009

Today’s affirmation is:

“This year I am absolutely committed to being the person I came here to be!” (Click to download this affirmation in MP3 audio)

Happy Fathers’ Day. Here are few brand new affirmations about fatherhood written especially for Fathers’ Day.

  1. “Today and every day I recognize that fatherhood is the biggest game of my life!”
  2. “Today I love and respect my father like never before!”
  3. “I am a great dad, I am a great dad, I am a great dad and I get better and better each and every day.”
  4. “I am a great dad! Today and every day I am building lifetime memories with my kids.”
  5. “Today I am the best dad I have ever been!”
  6. “I am a great dad! My kids are amazing people!”
  7. “I am a great father! Today I recognize my success as a parent!
  8. “Today and everyday I honor the role of fathers in our culture.”
  9. “I am blessed with a beautiful and healthy family.”
  10. “My children may not appreciate me now, but one day they will understand the sacrifices I have made for them!”
  11. “As a father, I am at the top of my game!”
  12. “As my children reach maturity, I easily transition from controller to wise guide.”
  13. “I give my children the gifts of life and opportunity!”
  14. “I am a great father. My children are lucky to have me!”
  15. Today and every day I learn and grow as a father!”
  16. “Today I feel like a successful dad and I AM!”
  17. “I am a great father! I listen to my children and meet their needs while always remaining the dad!”
  18. “I learn from my mistakes and become a stronger and better father to my kids!”
  19. “The success and happiness of my kids is my greatest legacy. Today I am creating an awesome legacy.”
  20. “Today and every day I model for my kids that a man can be both strong and caring.”
  21. “I am an awesome dad! I am coach, counselor, and confidante to my kids!”

Stay inspired!

Ray

Find Your Passion Now! – The Affirmation Spot for Monday June 8, 2009

Today’s video is a commencement speech delivered by Randy Pausch at Carnegie-Mellon University. Pausch was famous for his Last Lecture series delivered after he learned he had incurable pancreatic cancer. He reminds us what is important and why we are truly here.

Stay inspired!

Ray
http://www.theaffirmationspot.com

2009 Affirmation

“This year I am absolutely committed to being the person I came here to be!”

Manipulation of Attention Technique – The Affirmation Spot for Saturday June 6, 2009

Today I am posting a nice video I found on YouTube. It focuses on a technique the presenter calls Manipulating Attention Technique. He does a nice job of describing the attention shifting process.

He is particularly talking to folks with panic disorders or people with highly negative thoughts. However, it is a very effective technique for anyone – people striving for success, but encountering doubts, athletes, or anyone who encounters negative thoughts.

It also works very well in concert with affirmations. Affirmations can help you reduce the frequency and intensity of the negative thoughts over time, while this technique helps you deal with them in the heat of a given moment.

Stay inspired!

Ray

http://www.theaffirmationspot.com

2009 Affirmation

“This year I am absolutely committed to being the person I came here to be!”

Positive Thinking Versus Wishful Thinking

pratiSometimes I think positive thinking takes a bad rap because people confuse it with wishful thinking. Positive thinking is a philosophy rooted in the idea that your thoughts are the basis for the actions you take in life and, therefore, the results you can expect.

When you begin with a foundation of positive thoughts (as opposed to negative) you increase your belief and increase activity towards a desired goal. These two factors impact achievement incrementally to dramatically depending on the situation.

Many people fail to realize that positive thinking is really about acting. It only recommends that acting from a place where your thoughts are supporting your actions yields better results than merely blind action.

Wishful thinking, with its endemic inaction, is what many people view as positive thinking. That perception devalues positive thinking in the minds of some who see themselves as “action people.”

Positive thinking has several key characteristics:

  • Positive thinking based – thinking positively about your skills, your talents, your capabilities, your options, and your potential results provides a strong foundation for success.
  • Confidence – positive thinkers have a strong belief in themselves and a sense of mission about their goals.
  • Proactive – Positive thinking is action or motion-based. It is the tremor that creates a tsunami of motion and activity towards achieving a desired outcome. Positive thinking is about making things happen through focused activity.
  • Realistic to idealistic – positive thinkers are immersed in reality, but don’t see themselves limited by it. They recognize that struggle and obstacles sometimes create better results. They acknowledge that there are obstacles (i.e. circumstances or the world are not always perfect) and work on ways around the obstacles. It begins with a realistic assessment of things and moves confidently towards achieving the ideal.
  • Deals with setbacks – recognizes that setbacks are a sign something is happening (activity). Rejection letters are a sign you are submitting your book idea. Customer no’s are a sign you are pitching your ideas. It seeks opportunities to convert setbacks into learning that can be used in achieving the ultimate goal.
  • Achieves – positive thinkers usually succeed – though not always at their original goal. Sometimes the goal evolves through the process of achievement. One way or the other, the positive thinker finds his or her way to the goal.

Wishful thinking is the empty version of positive thinking. It is the strategy of waiting and hoping good things will happen to you. It may have positive thoughts as a component, but that is where the similarities end.

Wishful thinking has several key characteristics:

  • Situation-based – wishful thinking starts out in the right place. There is an effort to create a positive thought foundation. However, that positive thinking is focused on creating the perfect environment for advancement. This approach deflects focus from the person and his or her capabilities towards trying to create the right situation for advancement.
  • Doubt – wishful thinkers have some serious doubts about their ability to reach their goals and so rely on circumstances.
  • Reactive – wishful thinking hopes that circumstances will become favorable for advancement. However, it is reactive because it waits for those circumstances to happen rather than making them happen.
  • Idealistic to realistic – the wishful thinker puts on the rose-colored glasses and hopes to achieve an idyllic state. Often, reality is something negative to be avoided. Hitting reality often sends the wishful thinker back to waiting mode – waiting for the ideal situation.
  • Setbacks sidetrack – wishful thinkers are often sidetracked by obstacles and setbacks because it undermines their “perfect situation” scenario. When obstacles enter into the picture, the wishful thinker gets stuck and gives up.
  • Waits – the wishful thinker has the same beautiful goals and dreams as the positive thinker. He or she wants to succeed just as badly, but because the philosophy is waiting on the perfect situation, it often never comes and goals go unrealized.

At times, we are all a mix of these two approaches. Few people can maintain the absolute belief and action of the positive thinker all day, every day. Many can unconsciously slip into wishful thinking in some situations. That said, they are two starkly different approaches that appear the same to many people.

Many wishful thinkers see themselves as positive thinkers. The main difference is hoping for something as opposed to acting on it. If you are a wishful thinker, you can change today by remembering to take action on your plans and realizing NOW is the only “perfect situation” there ever is in this life.

Many actual positive thinkers don’t see themselves as such because of the prevailing perception of positive thinking as weak or inactive. This causes them miss the incredible benefits of aligning the power of their minds with the power of their action. Don’t short change yourself. Take your drive for action and enhance it by training your thoughts to positively support your action.

So, what’s the difference between the two strategies in the real world? Take world peace. We all want it, right?

Wishful thinking strategy in a nutshell:

The wishful thinker says, “I want world peace. I believe it is possible, but we can’t have it now. Why start? Conditions are not favorable. Politicians are too corrupt, people too selfish, and the world is too unfair. We’ll work on it when these things change.”

Positive thought > conditions not perfect > act on it someday > goal never achieved

Positive thinking strategy in a nutshell:

The positive thinker says, “I want world peace and even if we can’t achieve it today we can begin. Conditions may not be favorable. Politicians are corrupt, people are selfish, and the world is an unfair place. However, we can take action to change those things as we work towards the goal.”

Positive thought > conditions not perfect > change conditions > achieve goal

Note that the initial impulse (positive thought) is the same in both strategies. The conclusion about circumstances is the same. It’s the decision based on the circumstances that makes all the difference.

Life gives no guarantees. Some positive thinkers never reach their ultimate goal. Some wishful thinkers get lucky.

However, becoming a positive thinker increases your chances of achieving your goals – and soon. It’s all about the decision – the decison to act or not to act.

Follow your bliss! Experience your bliss! Become your bliss!

Ray

Ray Davis is the Founder of The Affirmation Spot and focuses on empowering minds to think positively, achieve goals, and live dreams.He’s spent the past 21 years in sales and sales training for major companies.

He is the author of the Anunnaki Awakening series (2015). Book 1 – Revelation – is now available in paperback and on Kindle. This trilogy takes Ancient Aliens out of the past and into the present. An interstellar, interdimensional journey ensues with humanity’s future hanging in the balance.

An Awareness Experiment Part II

Today’s Affirmation:

Focus on the goal…When I set out to achieve something I eliminate all the negatives and naysayers and focus completely on my goal.

silouette_ocean_horizonLast week, in Part I of the experiment, I asked you to pay special attention to all the negativity around you. The goal was not to judge anyone, but simply to observe all the ways people defeat themselves through their thoughts and words.

What did you find? Unless your crowd is way above average, you probably witnessed a lot of negativity. You heard a lot of “that’s not possible” “I can’t” and other similar ideas.

Question: When someone thinks thoughts like that and articulates them what does that do their ability to achieve? To be happy? To find success?

The purpose of Part I was to help you see how much negativity and disempowerment you are exposed to on a regular basis. How many times each day you hear “that’s just the way it is.”

Question: “How do you think exposure to that from your friends and loved ones affects your mindset?

That’s Part II of the experiment. You’ve observed how those around you disempower themselves. Now it’s time to observe you.

The point of this exercise is not judge or criticize yourself; those are the kinds of negativity you are observing. Your purpose is simply to become aware of how much negative self talk travels through your mind and crosses your lips each day.

Do the following:

  1. Observe and track how many times a day you think or say something negative about yourself, the world, or the situations or people around you.
  2. Observe and track how many times a day you judge yourself or others.

DO NOT JUDGE. SIMPLY OBSERVE AND TRACK

You can keep track on a little notepad. Do this for a few days. We’ll touch base again for Part III of the experiment in about a week.

Stay inspired!

Ray

Ray Davis is the Founder of The Affirmation Spot and focuses on empowering minds to think positively, achieve goals, and live dreams.

anunnaki_cover_full_colorHe is the author of the Anunnaki Awakening series (2015). Book 1 – Revelation – is now available in paperback and on Kindle. Can one woman really change the world? Can she expose a lie told for millennia? Can she make the future possible for two worlds?