The Peaceful Divorce Advocate – The Affirmation Spot for Saturday January 12, 2008

The Affirmation Spot - Intelligent Optimism for the Real World.


Today’s affirmation is:

“Even as my marriage splits, I am finding ways to keep my life and my family together.”

There is always a positive side to every experience we have in life. Even the most stressful situations can be made better when we make empowered choices. Divorce, unfortunately, is pandemic in our society. While no one wants to advocate divorce, it is an unfortunate fact of life.

The adversarial legal system makes a bad situation worse. It is not designed to help the parting couple in their future role as partners in raising their children. In fact, it is designed to create adversity and animosity not beneficial to that process.

The peaceful divorce movement has grown up as a response to that problem. It offers an alternative to the angst of the traditional system. It provides many broken families hope for a peaceful, productive future. 

Today The Affirmation Spot welcomes an article from guest contributor and peaceful divorce advocate, Belinda Rachman Esq.

The Last Thing You Need Is A Divorce Lawyer!

belinda.gifWhy You Should Consider A Cooperative Divorce

The divorce process is so complicated most people just don’t want to deal with it on their own. Traditionally the process of getting a divorce has involved hiring lawyers, going to court and letting a judge or the lawyers decide and/or negotiate the outcome. The couple plays the most passive role in the legal drama. Because the decisions are coming from above instead of the couple themselves fashioning a result, it is often difficult for the couple to comfortably live with the final outcome.

Most people resent solutions that are imposed on them. It is natural that individuals are more satisfied when they get to decide for themselves instead of being told what to do. When the couple is more actively involved in creating the terms of their own divorce instead of having to put up with the “one size fits all” solution that the legal process gives them, there is a better fit and more of a commitment to make it work.

So here is the most important question, does it make sense to avoid the adversarial system for your divorce? If keeping out of court and saving money on legal fees while protecting your assets and co-parenting relationship sounds good to you, then you really ought to explore mediation. I am not saying mediation is for everyone, but if the two of you are decent people who just want out, no one is trying to hurt the other one and both of you are honest and reliable about money with enough honor to keep your word, then you are the perfect client for mediation.

What A Mediator Does

The attorney who acts as mediator does not represent either party but acts as a neutral facilitator who is a resource for both. The couple can ask the attorney/mediator legal questions and receive help in arriving at all the terms of their divorce. The mediator drafts the marital settlement agreement, which is the document that is attached to the Judgment. The judge signs the agreement without the couple ever going to court and the divorce becomes final 6 months from the day the initial papers were filed and served. When the mediator has a powerful intention to complete the divorce process instead of dragging it out, the results are miraculous.

How Much Does Mediation Cost?

Mediator fees vary depending on location and expertise so call around to make sure you are fully informed. In my own practice the whole process, on average, takes between 4-7 hours but there is certain homework that must be done prior to working with me. It is important to know the mediator’s success rate and how many meetings it usually takes. Mediation is a tiny fraction of the cost of litigation. In California where the average cost of a divorce is $20,000 per side, mediation will always be less. The financial benefits of mediation are obvious but more importantly, you will be comfortable enough with your spouse to co-parent your children. This is the best gift you can give to your children. I ought to know, I was one of those kids caught in the middle. This is why I do what I do. Using mediation instead of litigation brings some sanity back into the divorce process because the adversarial system destroys families. So ask yourself, what kind of divorce do you want? Peaceful divorce is an idea whose time has come.

How To Choose A Mediator

So let’s assume you want to proceed with mediation. You want to make sure the mediator you use has a great track record. The most important thing you want to know is how many couples have they worked with and what percentage settled. Once you find that out you can compare price, length of time it takes and other factors like personality and sex of the mediator before you make up your mind. The important thing is to have all the information you need to make an informed decision. Remember you only get one chance to have a “good divorce” so don’t go down the wrong road because you won’t like the destination.

Is Mediation Right For You

Divorce mediation works best with honest people who are not hiding assets and just want a result that is fair. Most couples who are in the initial stages of thinking about getting a divorce would do well to meet with a divorce mediator as opposed to hiring their own attorneys. You only get one chance at getting a divorce without acrimony. Once you start to go down that adversarial road, it is that much harder to get back to a place where you can function comfortably as co-parents.

Ms. Rachman has been a family law attorney since 1996 and is convinced our adversarial legal system destroys families. She left a successful adversarial law practice and now only does divorce mediation. To find out more information on how mediation differs from litigation, go to http://www.divorce-inaday.com.

Thank you, Belinda for your commitment to helping people in a difficult situation.

Be peaceful Be prosperous!

Ray

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About Ray Davis

Ray Davis is an author and co-founder of 6 Sense Media. His latest books are the Anunnaki Awakening trilogy - speculative fiction series focusing the issues of humanity's past and future. The series is heavily influenced by the science fiction genre. Book 1 - Revelation - is now available - http://www.AATrilogy.com. Ray has written prolifically on the topics of personal development and human potential. In 2007, Ray founded The Affirmation Spot - a website offering downloadable mp3 motivational tools and affirmations. http://www.theaffirmationspot.com. Ray began studying affirmations and positive thinking after a life-threatening illness at 25. His thirst for self-improvement led him to read the writings of Joseph Campbell, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Neale Donald Walsch, and many other luminaries in the fields of mythology and motivation. Over time, he has melded these ideas into his own philosophy on self-development. He has written and used affirmations and other tools throughout that time to improve his own life and has a passion for helping other reach for their goals and dreams. In 2010 he authored an eBook titled The Power to Be You: 417 Original Daily Thoughts for Personal Empowerment. Ray holds a Bachelor's of Science Degree in Secondary Education in Social Studies from University of Kansas. He lives in Louisburg, KS with his wife, April, two grown stepkids, and his black lab, Mia.
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One Response to The Peaceful Divorce Advocate – The Affirmation Spot for Saturday January 12, 2008

  1. awalkabout says:

    As a family law attorney, I endorse this 100 percent. See my blog at http://awalkabout.wordpress.com/2008/01/03/havent-got-time-for-the-pain/
    People could save so much money, time and heartache by working together, the same way they did when they first put their marriage together. Why should disassembling it require any less commitment??

    babs

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